Two common problems that people make when writing example essays are lack of specific detail and lack of coherence. These two mistakes can be easily fixed if you know what to look for in your writing. When writing an example essay, the details are very important so the reader can get a real "feel" of what you are trying to describe.
The most common problem in example essays is the lack of specific detail. A lot of times, writers will present a sufficient number of relevant, good examples. However, the illustrations of the examples are too vague, general, or brief. Examples should be specific, clear, and adequately detailed that way the reader receives the contextual impact of each one. For example, in an essay claiming that the UFC is too violent, do not just say, "Too many fighters were hurt last year." A statement like that only begins to touch on the point of the essay. It does not provide enough development to be fully effective. You should go into more detail by giving specific examples of broken bones, loss of conscience, torn muscles, and career ending injuries. Present these examples in specific language, once your readers begin to "see" the fighting ring covered with blood and broken bodies, you will have less trouble expressing your point of view in your writing.
The second biggest problem in example essays is the lack of coherence. The readers should not notice an interruption in the flow of thought from one example to the next in paragraphs containing more than one specific example. Everybody paragraph of this type should be more than a topic sentence and short list of examples. A good body paragraph should have an opening sentence, three to five supporting sentences, and a closing sentence. First, you should arrange all of the examples in an order that best explains the main point presented by your topic sentence. Then, carefully check to make sure each example is connected smoothly in thought to the statements before and after it. To help avoid the listing effect, you can use transitional "devices" where necessary. A few common transitional words that can be used are; to illustrate, another, for example, for instance, and in addition.
Avoiding these two mistakes can be challenging at first. But, once you can identify what the problems are and where to look for them, you can check samples here, and begin to make changes in your writing.