Note: these are not actual toddlers (though you will see some of them, too). They’re sucking on oysters and ordering bottle service, but make no mistake, Mom and Dad are still 100% footing the bill. Like with actual toddlers, public urination is still in play.
2. The Summer Share Brosters
Ever wondered what a clown car would look like, but in house form? Look no further than these guys, who turned a house that says it accommodates “5-7 comfortably” into a 37-person halfway house from Hell. Expect to find them blasting Calvin Harris, playing beer pong, and being homophobic.
3. The “We’re In Our 30s” Couple
They’ve made some money. They’ve graduated from their crazy, young Hamptons days. They’re looking for a low-key dinner at World Pie, maybe a game of Cards Against Humanity, and the chance to doze off before they can even catch an SNL rerun, even though it’s the Timberlake episode.
4. The “Welcome To My House” Guy
Make no mistake, the 25-year-old gentleman with the impressive digs you just met (Chet, we’ll call him) is still telling his parents he’s thinking about applying to law school, but does not intend to. This is, very much, NOT Chet’s house.
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