Although by the title of this post, you may have started to think that you are about to read about the relationships that I have established on a Model U.N platform or speak about a friend that I made, but that is not the case. The friend that I had found was Model U.N itself. I kept dwelling on that idea of traveling the world and escaping into a global fantasy where I could really learn and be understood and I needless to say, I still feel this this way very often. For a very long time, I never sought interest in politics or the platforms on which logistical decisions were made, but I was interested in something that I did not know the name for. Did it actually have a name? Yes and no. Let me explain what I mean by this.
A Path of Confusion.
About two years ago, I had a profound interest in exploring the question, “Why are people the way they are?” It was an interest formed from my youthful confusion in and of the world and many unanswered questions. As a "non- American born" child, I lacked direction in establishing profound interests and learning how to improve myself at anything that I found interesting because I thought no one really cared to guide me or teach me how to live in an "American society" . I jumped at every opportunity I had and soon begin to see success as only a rarity. I realized that I never knew what resources I had at hand, until I really put myself out there.
There were concepts a bit too broad to explore or find answers within, and so I started narrowing down it down to psychological perceptions, and the power of media and rhetorical ideals. As I got further and further, I ended up finding people on internet platforms and places with perceptions and beliefs that somehow matched with the ones that had evolved and were continually developing in my brain. I did not know that I had the power to find myself motivation and fascination to do something that made me happy but here I was, not only reading about things that I never thought I would, but questioning the details behind everything. I was 14 when I decided that this is how one may “discover him or herself”. If I can’t leave my house, then I could explore the world around me using the tools that I had.
Discovering that love won’t always defeat hate.
As I kept learning and researching, I came across a trend of situations, events and topics, all revolving around one word. Conflict. I thought to myself, “Why do we all have to be so horrible? Can’t we just work everything out?” History was the subject I hated the most in school because I did not see how it would affect us in anyway, but it was not long before I voluntarily started digging for information myself. I was not interested in just reading for entertainment, I was interested in finding the truth in perspectives and I started to imagine inserting myself into historical situations and brainstorming solutions to everything on instinct. I wanted more insight and perspectives from the people I knew around me, but I did not know who to approach or how to approach them. I had listened, but I wanted to do something.
Being the stubbornly independent girl I was, I wanted to keep things to myself; but ironically, I had a passion for sharing. What I assumed was that sharing wasn’t going to be any good unless it would mean something or have the ability to be proven as useful. I could partially blame the system of schooling that I grew up in to reason for my conflicting personalities and well-developed insecurities at the time, but that’s beside my main point. What I came to believe at a halfway point just like many other frustrated and recklessly ambition kids, was that whatever I was going to do, I was going to “Change the world.” At that point, I was inspired by good things and did not know what kind of negative logistical trauma one would endure to get to that point. I didn’t know what I wanted to do to “change the world”, but I thought positive spirits would get me through and that working with people would be oh so easy.
Where it Came Together...A little Late.
Other than my on and off role in the speech club, I never knew a community existed where I could introduce myself to more people and learn to speak with a purpose. This community was Model U.N. I was fascinated by the idea of this existing and I continued to further my research, I knew that this is something that could “really” allow me to learn. By the time I wanted to join in my school’s community, I was too late to register. Of course, that did not stop me. I went to my first model U.N conference completely alone as an individual delegate and yes it was scary and difficult but I had learned so much! I arranged everything with the incredibly patient program directors and went there not knowing a single person. I took a train since it was within my state but the day I walked into that conference room; I had little to no idea what to expect, but it was absolutely crazy because I felt some sort of “homely” attachment.
This homely attachment was due to the international platform that I had now entered and I could speak my mind like an “international citizen”. I was a global adventurer and I wanted to travel the world, and I found that this was certainly one step closer. People (well… most) were willing to listen and I can say that I had learned so much through one Model U.N experience as I did in a month of school. I endured so many difficulties and much unexpected political drama from my fellow alien peers, but everything was beyond worth it. I felt some sort of thrill when I was at the conference, and I received 8 notes after my first speech about 10 minutes in and I decided then that I certainly need not stop there. True, I could do everything that I wanted to, but I cannot wait to put my learning experience in action for my next conference! If you you would like to hear more about my experience going to my first Model U.N conference alone as an individual delegate, look out for my next post!