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You have dreamed of it, haven't you?
You have yet not changed that UN profile picture of yours on facebook, and you almost have an orgasm whenever somebody calls you ''Dag'' or compliments you in a Hammarskjöld way.
Well, not that it interests you at all, but here are the reasons that I wouldn't like to be SG by any cost.
You love Dag, but by UN charter framework, he wasn't acting that much as the ''world's moderator''.In fact, the man was active as hell and he died in office!Fun fact-till today there is a standing subcommittee examining the possibility of assassination and not a mere plain crash.
So, to justify the title of this article, I do not want to be SG( yeah you read that correctly) because I will be bored by the political correctness that the modern standards of the role require.In other words, who would like to run an organization where the majority of members complaints about the lack of action on behalf of some others, and asks you for money all the time?Additionally, once in a while , you find your team members to have either stolen money or abused power and guess what?The most you end up doing is taking selfies and signing statements that interns wrote for you.Sorry, wouldn't like to be a part of it (and yes, I am not fond at all of the conferences that are run in the real UN way either).Simply put, I would run it in a Model UN way-not kidding will make my points later on.
Firstly, my inside stuff : When running the world, one has to be cool enough to pull it off without having a stroke in the middle of his work, and in full realization of the importance of its task.So, first things first, keep a global team satisfied, happy and let them know, that no matter where they are, I'll be watching them (all you have to do is to sell off the attitude, not actual NSAing)Once, I have my team understanding that ''we the people of the UN'' as the preamble of the Charter says, run the UN would move on to other spicy stuff, most importantly:
1)Re-organising the Secretariat:At the moment, offices that in theory are run by the Secretariat spread around in non-controlled pace.I would either have some of them closed, or re-directed to other Organ's authority.
2)Impose fines:Diplomatic warnings or any other form -ie monetary punishment (perhaps any money coming from punishments could be distributed among the interns as a symbolic payment) could turn out to be rather useful.My point here being that, no one can go around without a form of control, and similar should be for the SG (not a defined action plan here, just throwing ideas on the table)
3)Wouldn't stay in the US all the time-have you imagined what would happen if the SC's sessions were to be rotated? There are 4 major UN premises at the moment, why do we have to keep the HQ in NY?Personally, I would love to see a GA taking place in Kenya or China,in that way the global spirit would be way more enhanced!
4)An ''ethical'' reform-this tradition of ''offering a room and getting a chair in a committee crucial for your country'' has to stop.A lot of missions are actually ''fighting'' with each other into who's going to offer the most impressive UN room.That's enough.Transparency has to be increased and definitely better criteria to be defined when choosing people to hold several spots.
5)No more celebrities as UN ambassadors: One of the Angry Birds, was recently appointed as an honorary ambassador for climate change.Seriously, enough with this stuff!If a fictional character is more effective than an Organization, then something is really rotten in the State of Denmark!Creativity is the key here (and don't tell me that I know more about the SDGs now , because I saw the respective pic,save yourselves from that lame argument-reading newspapers is my answer)Honestly , if Di Caprio is going to be more effective that Nadia Murad- and if the Q revolves around impressive headlines, then I have no case here...
6)And lastly, the UNSG selection:One of the most problematic and slow to reform organs,a.k.a SC keeps electing the SG!I would instead have all of the delegates to be voted (and not verified) by the GA while simultaneously pointing who is the ''favorite''of the most dysfunctional organ.
And for all the above, that's why I will remain one happy, dreamy Model UNer :)